I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
