Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
