I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
