if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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