Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
