Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
