oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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