i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
4 words: hood of his car
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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