He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
