I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
