we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
