The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
