Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
