Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
