i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize