I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Let's paint friendship bongs
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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