Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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