I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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