Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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