I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
