Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
