I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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