Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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