Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
