Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
