My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
