She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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