Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
