i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
