I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
