Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
