I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize