Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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