the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
