What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
