I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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