I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I didn't notice because vodka
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
