Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
