no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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