Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
