He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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