Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
