I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize