Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
