I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
