so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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