Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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