just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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