Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
