my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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