I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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