Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize