Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
