Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
