ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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