Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
