There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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