Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
