I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
