True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
