god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You have to summon your inner elephant
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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