john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
