i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
