I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's great music for shaving your balls
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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