The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
should my penis look like a turkey
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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