once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
