You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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