NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
