I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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