There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
