Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
