we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
