shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize