he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
