i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
