Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
