honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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