there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She needs sedatives and a leash
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize