clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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