is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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