I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You can't just leave with hair like that
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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