oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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