Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
