he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Found your dick twin last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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