I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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