areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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