Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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