Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
