u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
