I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize