I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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