How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
