Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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