I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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