I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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