Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
