3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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