apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
