I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
