all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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