yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
