It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My balls are so social today.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
